First the waves crashed at my shore, throwing me off balance. Life, especially work, couldn’t have been any more unfulfilling, under-thrilling or unfair. Actually, it resembled swallowing cocktails crushed glass – all shiny to the outside but with a soul-destroying aftertaste.

And then there was this bible verse for the day:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NIV UK) which reminded me of someone of my acquaintance who claimed 1 John to be their favourite book in the bible. I chose to find out why.

Reading just the first chapter made me realise: not only was this book written by an eyewitness, an acquaintance of Jesus on earth, but there was this passage, too:

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.(V5-7)

As I always check my facebook newsfeed in the morning (I know, I am sad that way), a friend had posted this:

How to rest in the Lord – the 3 R’s

  1. Repent of your sins.
  2. Release your burdens.
  3. Receive his love.

To me, these two were immediately intertwined.

After repenting of my sins, I was able to just whine to God about anything in my life that I thought was going wrong. And there are quite a few darknesses. Weight problems. Marriage niggles. WORK. Being scared of meeting new people. Wanting to be the perfect (!) friend. Etc. The list could go on.

I love Jesus and I try to follow him where he leads. I read his word, I am learning to pray.

And yet, I let darkness flood me. I let the lies in my ear become the new truth. There is another post on this blog where I have just listed those lies, those destroying thoughts which reverberate in my head each and every day. And guess what, it keeps me from meeting friends. I am so busy punishing myself, feeling so inadequate and not worthy of anybody’s attention that I am isolated. Exactly what the enemy wants!

In 1 John it says all those wonderful things about sin being forgiven but it doesn’t stop there.” But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.” Hm. I am clearly not walking in the light although I have caught a glimpse of it after being forgiven. God wants this light in the darkness thing to work even further in my life. He wants me to have fellowship with others. He wants me to stop listening to the lies in my ear. “If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.” Those thoughts holding me back, making me feel small and insignificant and not worth anybody’s effort are not the truth!!! They are big fat ugly L-I-E-S!!!!!!

You might wonder how to get these lies out of your head. My ones were with me for, say, 20 years, some even much longer. I believe these things to be true about myself. I am really not good with food, I eat at every opportunity, and then I am overweight. That is just the way I am. OR I always say the wrong thing when I am with friends. Just last week I said … to … and she thought I was stupid. OR well, you put your own recurring thoughts in here.


It is possible to stop listening to them. God intends us to have  “Life to the Full” (John 10:11). He wants me to feel good about myself and enjoy life. Without restrictions or handicaps.

And here is how:


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One Response to Lighthouse

  1. Dhillie says:

    Yvonne, you’re complete honestly resonates, in eloquent language, across my own mind. Whilst the list of issues may vary a tad or differ in priority, they’re there for me to. And, like you, I am learning to talk to the Father, ‘ bend his ear’ with my niggles and bounce back from those places of self despite. Places where the Enemy begins to win the battle.
    And Biblically, I’m still an infant. I need direction , so you’re referencing has done me good too! Xx

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